


Patrick's Tidy Mouth

by Januarium



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Friendship, Prompt Fill, Rated T for language, Swearing, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Januarium/pseuds/Januarium
Summary: Redwinerose prompted: Stevie and David have a bet to see who can get Patrick to say the word fuck in a non-sexual way before the end of the day.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Stevie Budd & David Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 39
Kudos: 236
Collections: The Rosebudd Ficlets





	Patrick's Tidy Mouth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Redwinerose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwinerose/gifts).



> Patrick saying "fudge" was stolen from DelphinaBoswell.

David and Stevie are being… weird. They keep whispering and ‘accidentally’ stepping on his toes, or jumping out at him. At one point, Stevie had spent five minutes badgering him, claiming she’d decided that actually her dream career was poet, but she was writing a poem about hockey and just _couldn’t_ think of a rhyme for puck. 

The thing about Patrick’s fiancé and his best friend, is that when they decided to work together on something? They were rarely subtle. Patrick is still amazed they managed to keep his surprise party a secret from him, a few months back. He now blames not wondering about all the sneaky looks he’d seen them giving each other on the fact that they’d also been sharing a secret that he’d been in on—his and Stevie’s extra Cabaret dance lessons. Besides which, they hadn’t been competing against each other then, which they clearly are now.

It’s been less than a week since Stevie came over and they all got wine-drunk, at which point Stevie went on a rant about how Patrick ’Never fucking says fuck? What the fuck’s that about?’ Clearly, they want him to swear, and not giving them the satisfaction feels great. He plays with them more over the day. His favourite point being when he let slip a ‘fudge’.

“Did you actually just say ‘fudge’?” Stevie had asked, cackling.

David had looked more concerned. “Is this a 13 Going on 30 situation, Patrick? Did you get Big-ed? You have to tell me if I’m marrying a child in an adult's body, that's gross.”

Patrick had reassured David that, “Yes, I’m definitely a real adult, no time skips here,” and got back to work. Now they’re getting antsy as the end of the day approaches. Stevie has popped up from behind the counter no less than three times in the last hour and David has got to the point of attempting to talk about rival sports teams. While it’s sweet to realise he really *has* been listening to Patrick’s rants, he still lacks the real commitment to pull it off.

Obviously, closing time is the deadline for this little game they’re playing, but Patrick doesn’t decide what he’s going to do about that until five minutes before the store shuts, when someone swoops through the door and he knows exactly how this should end.

“Alexis! It feels like it’s been fucking ages since you visited the store, how can we help you?”

David’s gasp of betrayal and Stevie’s muttered, ‘for fuck’s sake’, are music to his ears.


End file.
